Tell The Grand Inquisitor There’s No Fucking Bitcoin Taint.

There’s money to be made in fear.

Whether it’s fear of boogeymen or fear of inadequacy, our emotions are readily preyed upon in order to separate us from our wealth.i “Problems” are conveniently created by deft marketers just as they present equally convenient solutions. This is classic late-night-TV shit. Do you need a broom that’s also a dishwasher? Are you tired of spoons that just aren’t big enough? Do you go to the bathroom more than once a day? etc.

In the Bitcoin realm, despite ample guidance,ii there’s still the misconception that the Grand Inquisitor, Tomás de Torquemada reincarnate, is going to knock on your door tomorrow and shake you down for “money laundering.”iii Whether or not this situation manifests itself misses the worst case scenario of such a conversation:iv

mircea_popescu: So you have a guy’s affidavit that he sent me 10 btc to addy x in tx y. So what now ?
asciilifeform: mircea_popescu: I’d guess: much of the panic re: btc ‘taint’ etc. comes from u.s. folks, who can be sent to the gasenwagen.v on very loose – rather than hard, ‘scientific’ – evidence.

mircea_popescu: asciilifeform I don’t see any evidence whatsoever is the problem.
ThickAsThieves: Most americans have tainted all their coins by now
mircea_popescu: So the 10btc is… moved to my wallet, from which a diff sum is spent on whatever, baby squirrel tears. so what now ?

asciilifeform: Think ‘astrology’, not astronomy.
mircea_popescu: It’s deposited to mpex, and a sum withdranw to pay for same. so… what ? It’s bet on bitbet, and it loses. sooo ?
asciilifeform: ‘<Mr. X owns black cat, is a witch’
mircea_popescu: It’s moved to another address. so ? They pick you up, you go “sorry, I sold them”. What now ? If they ask you who you sold them to, you give them the name of the prosecutor in charge.vi
mircea_popescu: derp.

asciilifeform: Inquisitor: ‘Ok, find me the fellow who bought. he’ll sit on this here stake, next you yours, and will tell the truth’
mircea_popescu: “You, m’lad”vii
ThickAsThieves: You are suggesting an American to lie!?
mircea_popescu: Since we’re doing affidavits, prosecutor is welcome to an affidavit as to how he himself bought. And he can go hang himself with it.

asciilifeform: Inquisitor: ‘libelling a faithful servant of the king, that’ll be an extra two years on the stake’
mircea_popescu: No, it’s the truth.
ThickAsThieves: Schrodinger’s Truth

mircea_popescu: There is no such thing as bitcoin taint.viii Attempts to solve this inexistent problem, just like all the other attempts to solve inexistent problems in the history of human engineering are a waste of the presumptive solver’s time. Many many MANY genius minds wasted most of their time in pursuit of similar nonsense.

asciilifeform: The proposed legal defense, though, will work about as well here as it would’ve in USSR.
mircea_popescu: asciilifeform But that is entirely besides the point.
ThickAsThieves: Taint is a factor for terrorists though
mircea_popescu: No *coin or wallet* will ever solve the USSR-ness of the USSAix

ThickAsThieves: So taakix is obv a terrorist
asciilifeform: People are obsessed with technical ‘solutions’ because they cannot afford the actual working solution (suitcase, airplane, new passport)
mircea_popescu: That doesn’t make them less of a waste of, presumably, valuable brain gasoline.
asciilifeform: Aye but go tell the mortally ill fellow to renounce the snake oil. He’ll drink whatever.

There you have it. Fuck Darkcoin.xi Fuck Dark Wallet. Fuck taint. Fuck the Grand Inquisitor.

And… Have no fear.

___ ___ ___

  1. Our wealth being entirely a function of our time, that is, our Bitcoin. []
  2. MP published Guidance: There’s No Such Thing As Bitcoin Taint on February 21, 2014. That’s four full months ago. Or four fucking years in Bitcoin time. []
  3. “Money laundering” is a nifty bit of marketing used to euphemistically describe enemies of the State. Conform, or else. Consider that paying your neighbour’s kid $5 to mow the lawn makes the little twerp a “money launderer.” You know he ain’t paying his taxes before buying that ice cold slurpee. []
  4. Via #bitcoin-assets []
  5. “Gasenwagen” is Stan’s term for the doomsday bus that will round up dissidents and take them to the gas chambers. This might seem an apocalyptically grim worldview to the North American reader, but Stan’s from the former Soviet Union… The advantage of this level of, for lack of a better word, paranoia is that it gives birth to things like the Cardano. At least we hope. []
  6. Such a solution could only, and I do mean only, come from the man who so thoroughly told the SEC where to go that they… listened. []
  7. “Lad” not referring to a young chap, but rather a “Lord.” “Plain language” my left foot. []
  8. It’s amazing the poor guy doesn’t go hoarse repeating himself like this. I guess that’s another advantage of IRC over voice communication: fingers are more durable that vocal chords. []
  9. This is why it’s the United States of Egypt, y’know? []
  10. Amir Taaki is the Dark Wallet guy and one of the many hawkers of “taint solutions.” []
  11. And Litecoin too. []

13 thoughts on “Tell The Grand Inquisitor There’s No Fucking Bitcoin Taint.

  1. Re footnote 7 :

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DJpY7eT6oNk

    “Not you m’lad, this m’lad.” The cape’s throwing everyone off :D

  2. anon says:

    They’re saying “M’lud”, m’luds.

  3. Aaron says:

    I’m starting to feel like a handicap because I live in the USA. It’s really started to dawn on me ever since I’ve started to pursue my own business ventures. If it was solely up to me, I would be out of here in a heartbeat, but unfortunately my escape plan involves convincing my wife.

    It’s sad that people in the USA who are doing absolutely nothing wrong feel like they need to “cover their tracks”.

    • Bitcoin Pete says:

      I’m starting to feel like a handicap because I live in the USA.

      Hanging around #bitcoin-assets may help that feeling. But more likely than not, it’s something only moving can fully resolve.

      unfortunately my escape plan involves convincing my wife.

      Dat equality. If her job is preventing her from moving, hire her to work for you. If it’s her family and friends, remind her that we’re not descended from fearful (wo)men.

      It’s sad that people in the USA who are doing absolutely nothing wrong feel like they need to “cover their tracks”.

      Right, wrong, who are we to say? He with the power decides.

  4. […] guess that makes MaidSafe, Dark Wallet, and the Mycelium “Entropy” as sane as potato salad. […]

  5. […] Tzu (544-496 BC) For all the historical, technological, and Bitcoin-related readings that I do, trying to give context to our endlessly fascinating and complex world, I also […]

  6. […] and one of your fluffed-up ladies on his, and quietly explain to your good guest that there’s no such fucking thing as taint and that his efforts would be far better applied towards an evening of carnal distraction and […]

  7. […] thing is something I’ve heard about for years and years now.*** To which bitcoin responds: 1) deniability, and 2) fuck […]

  8. […] have taint and that this trail is in any way of practical value, a delusion maintained only by fearful beta-bois who wonder why and wherefore they didn’t fight back when the polizia came for their families […]

  9. […] address space in Bitcoin means that even the seemingly omnipotent Chicom Cartel will yield to the realities of taint eventually. Even if they can trace a few addresses for a little while, there are ways to slip their […]

  10. […] guess that makes MaidSafe, Dark Wallet, and the Mycelium “Entropy” as sane as potato salad. […]

  11. […] you tell this to Torquemada and his cronies. Everyone else will just wonder if you’re regretting missing out on the […]

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