This seemingly innocent but really rather irritating inquiry is the kind of question asked by acquaintances whenever bitcoin takes off on one of its triennial(ish) moonshots. But what are we, those holding the chips, supposed to answer ?
Since we’re in one of those interstitial periods between manias when the lamestream “wavers” malevolently hype up “ICOs,” “blockchains,” “cardanos” and other tangentially and tenuously related buzzwords, now seems the perfect time to reflect on how to engage, parry, and even make light of this patently ridiculous question : “How’s bitcoin doing?”
So that we’ve all something to refer back to in 2020, 2023, 2026, 2029, 2031, 2033, etc., or whenever the next spikes occur, let’s take a look at a few options together :
- Wish I bought more when it was $60.i
- Better than your stocks ?
- Beats me, I sold them all.ii
- Talk to the Greubz because the face ain’t listening.iii
- It’d be doing better, at least for you, if you’d listened to my advice in 2013.
- I’d tell you but I’d have to kill you after.
- It’s… complicated.iv
- How’s your sister doing ?
- Let’s grab a beer sometime and I’ll tell you all about it.v
- You mean how’s retirement ? It’s okay I guess.
- Dunno, haven’t been following it.
What you got ? Feel free to leave your best retort in the comments. It could be fun!
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- This is slightly self-deprecating but less so with every passing moonshot. But it’s still true! ↩
- Maybe you tell this to Torquemada and his cronies. Everyone else will just wonder if you’re regretting missing out on the then-current run-up. ↩
- “Greubz” being Greubel Forsey, natch. The rest of the line is straight-up 1995 valley girl, but maybe you’re too young (or too old?) to remember that kinda thing. ↩
- Ie. go read the BTC-dev mailing list. ↩
- Those asking this banal question just want a soundbite so this is entirely equivalent to telling them to politely pound sand. ↩