1. The deer, elk, caribou and moose native to the more Northern reaches of the Rocky Mountain range shed their antlers in the late Fall before they hibernate for the winter. In the Spring and Summer months, male deer, caribou, and moose regrow their horns, competing for resources and bone fuel (upwards of 50kg of calcium) before jousting for pussyi in the Fall. Elk lose their antlers in the Spring. So ya, antlers != horns!!1 WTF do they teach you in school these days ? It sure as fuck isn’t home economics.
2. Unperturbed by the arboreal foliage having sprung forth from Spring’s bosom – in fact quite despite Nature’s bristling verdant splendour, its fabulous frissons, its buoyous brilliance, its magical May flowers, its open-air aviary conducting mellifluous music – the snow flakes of early May came all the same, unflustered by the flora’s fantastic amulets.
3. The laundry at the finer hotels, eg. Fairmont Banff Springs,ii is reaaaaallly goddam expensive.iii Whereas establishments in Thailand or whatever “hip” Southeast Asian (read : backwater in the unimportant periphery of the Han Empire) en vogue atm charge you by the wash load, proper hotels charge by the item. Much to the girl’s surprise, you’re looking at $5.50 for a pair of underwear to be washed within the next 12 hours. Cheep Pete’s workaround ? Find the local coin-operated laundromat.
4. The help is largely Australian yoofs. Everyone from lifties to bartenders to concierges are University-aged kids from Down Under. By and large, they’re every bit as pleasant as their homeland.
5. The Rockies stretch 3`000 miles from Alberta to New Mexico. Being only a four-hour drive away, about 5x closer than Switzerland, it’s a crime I only visit twice a year.
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- As all jousting has always been and will always be.↩
- In case you’re budgeting your own trip to the mountains, Fairmont hotels in May, whether in Banff or Montreux or whatever other exquisite destination you might have in mind, run about $500 per night. Still, it’s a fine time to get away as the crowds are exceedingly modest. July-August ? Nothx.↩
- So too is the “babysitting service.” Want some overweight, ear-stretched high schooler to sit in your mountain view suite watching The Simpsons while your child sleeps like a rock in the next room just so you can dine at the panoramic Juniper Bistro and have an uninterrupted(!) discussion about whether Sophie Gregoire should be Justin Trudeau’s employee and by extension be on his tax-payer-funded payroll so that she can “Michelle Obama” north of the 49th Parallel ? That’ll be $57 plz. WTFBBQSAUCE!!!!1
FWIW, to the extent that the mythology of nation states hinges on the religious fascination with Trudeau-Trump, the government has pay for the Pope’s mistress, even if it means running deficits from here to kingdom come. Though there’s a strong argument to be made that the Liberal Party of Canada should be footing Gregoire’s bills.↩