A Guide To Buying 5000 Ether/Bitcoin, 2.5x More Than Ethereum’s Genesis Sale Offers

As of this writing, as many as 1170 individualsi have purchased upwards of 4,496 perfectly good BTC worth of Ether, Ethereum’s altcoin.ii If this is at all reminiscent of BitAngels with Mastercoin and those other fucktards with MaidSafeCoin, it should be. This is the exact same wallet inspector schtick. “Trust us now, bother us later after we miss all the deadlines and don’t do anything useful with our lives.”

Selected quotes from Vitalik’s “Ether Genesis Sale” blog post:

First of all, I would like to thank the community, and especially those close to the project who have in many cases abandoned their jobs to dedicate their time to it, for their extreme patience regarding the launch of the ether sale.

WTF did “the community” do for Etherum? Anyone with half a brain has seen how horribly all the Bitcoin 2.0 shit has gone down, despite multiple fucking warnings.iii Vitalik cannot seriously imagine that anyone still gives a shit. Other than his unemployed co-derps.

Ether will NOT be usable or transferable until the launch of the genesis block. That is to say, when you buy ether and download your wallet, you will not be able to do anything with it until the genesis block launches.

This is going to go so, so badly for those who don’t have half a brain. As if their miserable lives weren’t trying enough.

The price of ether is initially set to a discounted price of 2000 ETH per BTC, and will stay this way for 14 days before linearly declining to a final rate of 1337 ETH per BTC. The sale will last 42 days, concluding at 23:59 Zug time September 2.

What a deal! This, and more, brought out the lulzcannon on IRC:

BingoBoingo: Lol ethereum is selling their own altcoin nao, https://www.ethereum.org/ “People interested in acquiring ether to build and distribute decentralized applications, or to pay for their usage, are able to do so in the Genesis Sale using bitcoin, thereby locking-in their supply at a known price. This sale will help us fund the continued development of the software platform, scheduled for release in the winter of 2014/2015.” << Preorder on a BFL window. Thing could materialize winter 2014 or winter 2015iv
thickasthieves: Like anyone will give a shit by then.

Pierre_Rochard: My favorite part “This document is not a solicitation for investment and does not pertain in any way to an offering of securities in any jurisdiction.”
thickasthieves: Because we say so!

Pierre_Rochard: Wonder if they’ll respond like mircea_popescu did when the SEC comes knocking
BingoBoingo: Even though by simply the way things are they seems to like BFL be actually selling equity rather than product.

mircea_popescu: Too many people want to appear mp without putting in the work to actually be mp, nor fronting the risk etc.
thickasthieves: Who actually wants these smart contracts anyway? iIdont get who ethereum is providing for.

BingoBoingo: If ethereum manages to ship this winter I doubt it’s market cap will survive at a size greater than ATC’s through April next year
mircea_popescu: If anyone wants to enter an ethereum short lemme know.

thickasthieves: You’re betting on ethereum?!
mircea_popescu: You can buy ethereum coins for half what they charge, deliverable jan 15th 2015.

thickasthieves: Heh.
mircea_popescu: I guess I can make a 3 month future too, if enough demand.

BingoBoingo: Well atm during their pre-sale they price their coins off of a timer, with 1 BTC buying less coins as the timer increments. Haven’t seen the details.
mircea_popescu: Fuck them, whatever they ask for is too much.

thickasthieves: ITD at least be a fun way to piss them off and fuck up their IPO a bit.
mircea_popescu: Sure.

thickasthieves: Lol why does their home page give away desktop backgrounds? WTF. “Turing complete contracts on a blockchain.”
mircea_popescu: You don’t understand traffix,

BingoBoingo: Of course. K sale ends in roughly 41-42 days, in just under two weeks their offering goes from 2000 per BTC to 1970 per BTC (fucking hippies).
mircea_popescu: Where is this advertised ?
BingoBoingo: Their home page.

mircea_popescu: How did this work again lessee.
thickasthieves: “Ethereum Genesis Sale” they call it. Awesome

mircea_popescu: ;;sell 5000 “ethereum coins deliverable March 15th, 2015″ 1 BTC “Up to 1k BTC’s worth accepted. Get in touch.”
gribble: Order id 21135 created.

mircea_popescu: So now, elementary economic theory : if one actually WANTS ethereum coins, they’ll buy from me. Watch how nobody does, and then watch the ethereum people lie about how they sold however many. Because yes, totally, this happens.
BingoBoingo: You forget the mp eats babies crowd and “momentum traders” who want to flip the thing right away.v

mircea_popescu: Yes, I am forgetting the idiots. Supposedly there’s “investors” involved in these crummy shits.

[…]

justusranvier: What happens if by next March 15th, the Ethereum network isn’t sufficiently functional for you to be able to deliver Ethers to the people who take you up on your offer?
mircea_popescu: Amusingly, in that case the contract’d be void. But anyway, it’d be an explicit clause limiting such cases, obv. In any case, one generally buys a future if they expect the thing to work well, not to fail. If you buy a future and the thing fails there’s many ways to put it, but they all boil down to “you’re screwed”.

justusranvier: They might have value as collector’s items 30 years from now.vi
mircea_popescu: All sorts of mights, obviously. The aliens might land five minutes later and declare that anyone can have super hot alien blowjobs for a ETH each.

That’s it, basically. Mircea Popescu is offering up 5000 ETH per BTC in 8 months from now, 2.5x more ETH per BTC than the best rate being offered by Ethereum during the Genesis Sale.vii Effectively, MP is allowing you to “go long” ETH.

You can get in touch with MP on the #bitcoin-assets IRC channel using webchat, and I imagine you’ll need to get in the WoT as well.

So who wants a deal on some ETH?

___ ___ ___

  1. I hesitate to call them “people.” They are effectively the poor. []
  2. It’s incredibly unlikely that anywhere near that number of purchasers are involved in this Ether Genesis Block fucktardery. It’s altogether more likely that Vitalik Buterin, he of “autism is the same as intelligence” fame, and Anthony di Iorio, he of “Bitcoin Alliance of Canada” fame, and their cronies are conspiring to make it look like Ether is soooooo popular when in fact they’re funding it themselves. Any Ether purchase larger than 1 BTC can reasonably be attributed to someone directly involved with Ethereum’s development or otherwise with their name on some a that sweet pre-mined candy. Yes, in addition to this joke of a Genesis Block Sale, ether is also being pre-mined to the tune of 29.4%. []
  3. Of course, it hasn’t just been me. Mircea Popescu has been making this abundantly clear… since at least January 2013. []
  4. Oh, the “unintentional” ambiguity of wallet inspectors! []
  5. This is a disturbing, gut-wrenching number of people. They’re the same ones that fuck around on Havelock and the other play Bitcoin stock exchanges. I’ve met them. Nice people. Seriously fucking delusional. []
  6. Sorta like the Lealana Litecoins and Casascius Bitcoins, amirite? []
  7. Sounds like a good deal to me, and if I were in the market for hopeless pipe dreams, I’d be all over his offer. []

55 thoughts on “A Guide To Buying 5000 Ether/Bitcoin, 2.5x More Than Ethereum’s Genesis Sale Offers

  1. Bolkin says:

    “Effectively, MP is allowing you to “short” ETH.”

    MP is short on ETH, and looking for a long counterparty.

  2. Rodomonte says:

    This move is to stifle eth speculators?! If yes maybe it’s good, but, why “BingoBoingo fuck them, whatever they ask for is too much.” what do you think of ethereum?

    “Up to 1k BTC’s worth accepted. Get in touch.” But before he have to buy it right? We need to trust him, why he simply doesn’t get a future date where he will buy 1000BTC woth of eth and a link to the futures? This will be a lot more usefull to stifle the funding….and again, I doesn’t understan either what he think and you.

    (site:trilema.com ethereum)

  3. Tal says:

    Doesn’t look like as great of a deal as it might seem at first. MP is probably not known to most buyers of ether, but his offer requires that they trust him. WoT appears to be a lot of hassle to understand. Most people would judge it more likely that Vitalik will send them ether than that MP would if they entered into a contract with him.

    MP’s answer to Justus doesn’t make clear exactly how he’d deal with the ether network not being functional on March 15th 2015. That’s a pretty important consideration.

    • Bitcoin Pete says:

      Tal,

      Most people would judge it more likely that Vitalik will send them ether than that MP would if they entered into a contract with him.

      Vitalik is in no way, shape, or form more reliable or trustworthy than Mircea. Vitalik has a history of selling hype. MP has a history of calling the shots (see his calls on Mt. Gox, Bitcoin Foundation, coloured coins, BFL, GLBSE, SEC, taint, you name it… and he’s pretty much always 6-12 months ahead of the curve). And if “most people” don’t see this, that hardly makes the few who do wrong. Let’s not forget that “most people” shop at Walmart and spend their evenings watching TV.

      For more on what MP will do if Ethereum isn’t functional on March 15, 2015, check out the #bitcoin-assets logs.

  4. […] an effective parent, that is, raising kids without the braindamage of CoinDeskers, Ethereumers, and MaidSafers, is far tougher for everyone involved than that either A) Spreading seed, or B) […]

  5. […] sailed, this is every bit as true today as it was waaaay back then. Those who think they’re inventing new shit, reinventing the wheel (and more frequently, the scam) instead of buying BTfuckingC are fooling […]

  6. Beware of the scammers, do not trust anybody with any file and password as they can be just noise files.

    Nobody can cryptographically transfer the ETH to you in any way as there is no blockchain yet.

    Obviously the OP is sarcastic and not a big fan of Bitcoin 2.0 platforms.

    • Pete Dushenski says:

      Giannis,

      Indeed, I am both sarcastic and not a big fan of Bitcoin 2.0 platforms. This having been said, there’s still a real bet on the table here.

  7. […] is that the dump from ether profits? mircea_popescu: ben_vulpes kinda what the usgv needs, more loans of this type. imbecile […]

  8. sense says:

    Whoever wrote this blog post is an absolute idiot! Hater with nothing to offer!

    • Pete Dushenski says:

      Eh? What do you mean “whoever” ??!! My name is on the fucking header!!!11

      Jesus Christ these nobodies with nothing to offer telling me that I have nothing to offer…

  9. […] also necessary that production be paired with thinking. This is why altcoins are scams, why smart contracts are scams, and why run-of-the-mill entropy is a scam. There’s production of unwanted shit […]

  10. […] if you have a functional product or service and you’re not just some would-be scammer like Ethereum. Because if you are, you’re going to cause yourself a lot of grief and headaches and […]

  11. […] their website like a gangbang slut changes cocks, y’know, to keep things fresh, just like Ethereum and the Vessenes’ “Foundation” and Facebook do, the above is here for posterity. […]

  12. […] like Ethereum, or any other forum scams ? It should. […]

  13. […] example of permissionless innovation – the fiat equivalent of Circle, Blockchain.info, Ethereum, and Flexcoin, among many others. This is what permissionless innovation looks like whether […]

  14. Bwahahaha. So not only was “the komoooonitee” too smart to take MP’s +ev offer (seriously, not a nibble!), Ethereum is at long last backtracking on their “PLEASE TO INVEST IN THE FUTURE” language and is now calling the whole fucking scam “a learning experience for developers” (they sure wobbled hard enough, though it’s unclear if they actually learned diddly squat in the process) and renaming “investors” as “DONORS“.

    No one could’ve predicted !!1

    Much of this news, such as it is, comes from a recent Skype conversation between Ethereum’s Jeffrey Wilcke, his assistant Kelley Becker, and “leaker” Matt Liston via Thomas Hartman. The transcript is archived for posterity, because fuck Google Docs where anonymous idiots can make edits. Seriously, this isn’t retardopedia.

    Vitalik, if you weren’t dead already, you’re dead as a fucking doornail now. And don’t think the rest of the “Founders” are spared either. Mihai Alisie, Joseph Lubin, Jeffrey Wilcke, Gavin Wood, Taylor Gerring, Stephan Tual, and especially Anthony Di Iorio all share in the blame, embarrassment, and shame of having defrauded investors. To all of you, and your derpy little dev team : goodbye.

  15. Mitchell says:

    You called it. Way back at the Expo in 2014. I can’t thank you enough for showin’ the way of #b-a.

    • Well, that little trip to Toronto was more than just a memorable party and a learning experience for the handful of people fortunate enough to cross paths with me, and me with them. It was a lolcow too ! Between Vitalik, BitAngels, the BFL booth, and Anthony’s pretenses to relevancy, the laughs were easily worth the price of admission.

  16. Saifedean says:

    Perhaps the most embarrassing, shameful and stupid mistake of my adult life was to stick $5 or so on this dumb scam. I don’t know if it was Nick Szabo talking about it constantly or what, but something told me it might be worth it to put a few dimes and see what happens. I later on came to discover this blogpost and feel deeply ashamed of myself. Yes, the amount of money lost is utterly trivial, but the shame of falling for a scammer never is. I like to think of myself as smart; it turns out I was an unwitting “donor”. I could have learned the same lesson for free had I started reading Contravex a few weeks earlier than I did.

    • Ya, I could never figure out what Szabo’s obsession with Bitcoin 2.0 shit was. If there was ever anything to throw the scent of Satoshi off him, it’s that. Whether he did so with this meta-intent or not is another question, I suppose, but Nick is to be held at least as guilty as Aantonopoherpaderp is for his NeoBee shilling.

      In any event, Saif, a little shame is good for you. The most shame in your adult life can only be great for you !

      Lastly, the best time to plant a tree was 20 years ago, so hey, at least you found Contravex eventually ! Spare a thought for all the lost souls, broken men, and poor fools who never will.

    • Roy says:

      You bought $5 of Ether in the 2014 pre-sale. I’ll happily take it off your hands for $20

    • I’m starting to wonder how long this offer is on the table for ? Is there an expiration date here ?

  17. Jay says:

    I have to chime in here and say I thoroughly enjoyed your reportage on last years Toronto bitcoin derpocalypse- that image of Jeffery Tucker nodding off into his bow-tie still cracks me up. I think you should seriously consider going to these kinds of events in the future as part of your ongoing investigatory travels, if for no other reason than the humor potential- that whole article was a fuggin riot.

  18. futurist says:

    When it comes to bitcoin and ether, looks like you’re about to eat your own words.

    • Hm ? How do you figure that ? The way I see it, if this thing ever finishes “thawing,” the poor bagholders who’ve been prevented from selling their coins up until now are going to stampede for the exits like the wildebeests that killed Mufasa, crushing Vitalik et al. as they storm out the doors and salvage some fraction of their original “donation.”

      I’m expecting fireworks. Then again, maybe you know something I don’t and I’m going to eat my words. Anything’s possible, right ?

  19. Paul Paschos says:

    Looks like you ate your words bro. How does it taste? Also mircea_popescu has disappear off the face of the earth. It’s time for him to pay up. He can not be found on twitter or OTC or bitcointalk. So long shit talkers.

    • Paul,

      You’re at once 1) early, 2) late, 3) an embarrassingly poor gambler, and 4) a complete fucking child. Let’s go into more detail.

      1) Every pump n’ dump looks good for a while, then, somehow, everyone with two goddam brain cells to rub together heads for the exits, leaving the truly hopeless bagholders with ‘dreams.’ Don’t be the dreamer, man. It’s not worth it.

      2) The offered contract, which no one ever took because they’re oh-so-very-much-smarter-than-MP, would’ve expired five whole months ago, rendering it void. Not that the contract couldn’t have been negotiated, but maybe that’d be too much like Buffett’s personal coca-cola buyer (dude has 6 cans a day or some shit) negotiating delivery terms. I guess we’ll never know.

      3) Had you taken MP’s offer, and here’s the really beautiful part, you’d have TWO POINT FIVE TIMES AS MANY ETH AS YOU DO RIGHT NOW ! MP, much to your inexplicable horror and quite out of the kindness of his heart, offered to make you significantly richer than you currently are. Now, maybe you only invested 1 or 2 btc in ETH and are now sitting on 10 btc ‘worth’ of the things (for which, it must be noted, there’s really very little liquidity on any of the exchanges into which to turn your holdings into something of value, and this include the toilet paper known as ‘USD’) but why you’d make a personal enemy of the gent who offered to enrich you is completely nonsensical, at least from this vantage point.

      4) So long eh ? Now where do you figure I’ll be going ? Another vacation ? Or what, you think I won’t be able to write online contracts because you think that living a life where GPG Contracts were never invented is actually a thing ? GLHF with that one. Keep pretending like the world revolves around your little social mediatard delusions and all will be well. Hand to God Vitalik !

      Bonus round: If you really wanted to get a hold of MP, you’d follow the instructions on the box:

      You can get in touch with MP on the #bitcoin-assets IRC channel using webchat, and I imagine you’ll need to get in the WoT as well.

      Obviously, you’d much rather persist in “being right” and “trying hard” rather than actually doing what you claim you want to. That’s cool and all, it’s just not terribly effective.

  20. […] the three witnesses did not remain unnamed, but like Paul Paschos, it’s easier to know than it is to read. From The Guardian article […]

  21. […] obviously), while exchanges will add “Garzikcoin” in the same way they added Ether, allowing users of pre-fork coins – that is, owners of coins on both post-fork chains – […]

  22. LAS says:

    Wow this author is so edgy! It almost compensates for his lack of coherence, sub-child level of maturity, and almost completely wrong predictions about Ethereum! SO EDGY

    • My “lack of coherence” is little more than your lack of intellectual capacity. Contravex is well above the 9th grade reading material that random anoniderp can digest. I blame the school system.

      As to my “sub-child level of maturity,” given that I just so happen to have an enfant terrible chez moi, I can attest first-hand to my vastly superior level of maturity. Example #1 : I don’t cry when I’m hungry, I go to the fridge. Example #2 : I don’t shit my own pants, I use the bathroom. And if you were just being hyperbolic, you suck at it.

      As to my “almost complete wrong predictions,” by which I can only take to mean “This is going to go so, so badly for those who don’t have half a brain” (because that’s actually the only prediction I made in the article), this happens to be everywhere and always true, regardless of what the said same edumakational system taught you about “everyone is a person and their lives matter.” No they aren’t, no they do not, and good god would it suck to be the vast, vast majority of them. Even if they didn’t get ripped off by this scam (yet!), their self-immolating habit of putting their balls in the mouths of alien-headed tigers is not +EV and will destroy them eventually.

      Or were you perhaps referring to this prediction I made in a subsequent comment where I said “Personally, I don’t care if Ethereum raises 10k BTC – they’re never going to be relevant” ? In which case, you’d best explain why Buterin himself can’t even figure out how to use his useless, worthless, pitiful “smart contracts.” SO RELEVANT

      P.S. “this author” ? Really guy ??

    • Jonny says:

      It is especially hilarious in light of Ethereum’s progress.

    • Your mom is especially hilarious in light of my progress inside of her.

  23. […] aboard the trendtastic “start-up” train and launch a new business that isn’t i) a chumpatron, ii) a bot scam, and/or iii) a generic VC fraud scam, you’re sorely mistaken to the degree […]

  24. […] this year is Consumerism: The Great Equalizer – The Legacy of the French Revolution. The first is A Guide To Buying 5000 Ether/Bitcoin, 2.5x More Than Ethereum’s Genesis Sale Offers. […]

  25. […] in the interim, altcoins, be the v1.0 or v2.0, are doomed to failure. […]

  26. Erik Jensen says:

    You could have saved yourself the time it took to write this crap and everyone who wasted a few precious minutes of their lives reading this drivel the hassle by writing the 3 sentences that sum up your position on cryptocurrency. I LOVE bitcoin! I HATE all altcoins! I am RIGHT and you are WRONG! Your writing “style” makes you sound uninformed and childish. You cannot compare ether to bitcoin or any other coin as it bears only a passing resemblance to any other cryptocurrency. Thanks alot for wasting 10 minutes of my life with your crappy blog that I’ll never be able to get back.

    • Pipe down wouldja. Bitcoin isn’t for you anyways. So move along. Go spend your “precious minutes” reading “alot” of reddit or twitter or whatever it is that ethertards do to “contribute” to “the community.”

      I’m sure you’ll make a world of difference wherever you end up because how can your feelings ~not~ guide you to success. That’s how the world works, innit ?

  27. […] Madars Virza, Nathan Wilcox, Daira Hopwood, Sean Bowe, Taylor Hornby, (Advisors) Gavin Andresen, Vitalik Buterin, Andrew Miller, Arthur Breitman, Joseph Bonneau, (Investors) Pantera Capital, Digital Currency […]

  28. BG says:

    Your blog is unreadable.
    You should tone the trash talk down.
    You sound like a manchild. Note that I said “sound”, I’m not attacking the person.
    But I would not want to meet or work with that person either after reading this blog.

    By the way, Ethereum is getting momentum.
    Obviously the locals don’t like the new kid on the block.
    But the more you trash Ethereum, the more stupid you will look if it becomes big.
    So far it does not fare well for you.

    Excuse my English, it’s my second language. Your French is however inexcusable.

    • Let’s take this point-by-point for the edification of any other ethertards reading at home :

      1. What does unreadable actually mean to you ? Because to me it sounds like you needed a trigger warning and a “safe space,” which will obviously happen around the time that the US puts boots on the ground in China.
      2. Who gives a shit who you do or don’t want to work with ? Who are you, the Minister of Advanced Employment Opportunities and Centrally Diktated Livelihoods ? Because unless you are…
      3. What momentum exactly is Ethereum “getting” ? Ever heard of NeoBee ? Yea, it’s price “went up” for a while too. Then it didn’t.
      4. The Bitcoin locals don’t like the mungaloids on the block, polluting the air that people want to breath. Mind the difference.
      5. The more I trash Ethereum for being the scammy altcoin #5`943.0 that it is, the less anyone with two (bit)pennies to rub together, or anyone who wishes to at some point in the future have two (bit)pennies to rub together, will pay it any mind. Are you familiar with the wallet inspector phenomenon ? I called out Litecoin, Mastercoin, and MaidSafeCoin for the same nonsense. Now maybe you’re too young to remember that, but that doesn’t mean that you’re too young to lose your money at the craps table. Smarten up.
      6. Given that Ethereum only has a “coin” and no apparent product used by anyone of any credibility nor means, not even Vitalik himself, I’d say I’m faring pretty well.

      Lastly, your English is fine, don’t be so self-conscious.

    • Jonny says:

      That is why he has shut up. I am sutprised he did not delete this thread.

    • If you’d done your reading, you’d be more detlighted than sutprised.

  29. Farley says:

    Anyone who acted on the advice of this post is probably very sorry now….

    • Or super stoked ? Who wouldn’t want 2.5x as many ETH as Vitalik was offering during the genesis sale ?? Shame they teach “joining the conversation” in school without also teaching reading comp.

  30. […] this well-seasoned scammer, recall that Ethereum didn’t have that much more thrown at it by actual scammees. The entirety of the poloniex ‘book value’ for the thinly-veiled and thinly-traded […]

  31. Malus Maraska says:

    Woow very good and serious article. Ethereum has more features than bitcoin if you compare it. But i would invest in Altcoins like Ethereum and Dash, cause its faster and can scale better. Look, every Blockchain will be huge and will have problems (Blocksize Limit 1MB) of scaling, cause ITS A BLOCKCHAINS nature. So in Ethereum i like the possibility of having a software which can run on it. So these smart contracts are genius. But better to compare the Altcoins and then take an investment on one of these Markets like Poloniex, Kraken etc. Compare

    • A blockchain’s nature isn’t to scale or be huge, it’s to securely store data, which, in order to avoid the pitfalls of fiat, furthermore requires that said data be distributed as broadly as possible. The Bitcoin network is already more centralised than ideal because its 9yo blockchain is >130GB. This is a considerable burden borne by node operators who aren’t remunerated for their charity. AFAICG the ethereum blockchain is already >40GB in barely a year-and-a-half.

      And no, smart contracts aren’t genius, but then again maybe one of us is looking up the spectrum and the other down it.

  32. Jonny says:

    Always hilarious reading articles like this years later. Look at Ethereum now. Fortune 500 companies, banks, Microsoft, hedge fund companies all jumping on the Ethereum bandwagon, NOT BITCOIN!

    • That some quixotic selection of five hundred unFortunate companies that can’t even say the word “Bitcoin” much less print it doesn’t speak highly of their independence. But then again how could it ? They all sold their souls to the devil for a donut long ago. All that’s left is jockeying for seats in the Trumpreich cabinet.

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