Because we’re on a roll… let’s keep rolling! Ever wanted a proper computer and a proper supercar… in one ?
Just because there’s no “Bugatti-Comp” today, doesn’t mean that we can’t take the literal embodiment of a tongue-in-cheek metaphor and in doing so create a supreme (and supremely practical) machine that at once defies the laws of physics while leveraging the vanities of man to create a new breed of carputer – a Wunderwaffen par excellence – one that blends the best from the world of public goods with the best from the world of private goods. Brush up on your binary and translate “Gutentag” to ones and zeroes as we outline the specs and designs for the BC1 and BC2!
By combining the best of what’s available from the automotive and computing industries, and mixing in a healthy dose of programmatic symbiosis,i it’s all too possible to dream up a better Bugatti-Comp. Because what could be better than, well, the only one ?
Unlike a run-of-the-mill Bugatti, our entry-level BC1 Roadster is a purely electric proposition powered by a 200kWh battery pack similar to that of Tesla’s upcoming Soviet Roadster 2.0 and accomplishes the 0-60 mph run in a similar sub-two-seconds. In place of its usual rear trunk, however, is a PDP-8-esque minicomputerii complying with all of Stan’s Sevens Laws of Sane Personal Computing.iii The bespoke minicomputer is, quite logically, provided with an uninterrupted power supply by the car’s enormous battery pack, ensuring consistent performance in a world burdened by inconsistent power grids. Plugging the vehicle into its docking stations at the owner’s residence, place of work, or pied-a-terre provides connected terminal access to the minicomputer.Since such uber-luxury items as Bugattis, Koenigseggs, Paganis, and BC1s are driven so spraingly, using them as sat-in-place garage queens turns from being a bug into a feature!
When driven, the minicomputer is protected from undue shocks by RM 27-03-inspired bracing.iv Also, when in “Bugatti” mode, the front trunk (ie. “frunk”) is optionally fitted with a custom set of crocodile leather luggage in a colour complementing that of the car’s exterior paint since it really doesn’t do to be on-the-run and uncoordinated.v
At the other end of the ruggedness spectrum, the BC2vi is a rock-hard 6×6 in the contemporary vein of the Mercedes Gelandewagen 6×6vii except using the more reliable,viii powerful, and cost-effective Hennessey VelociRaptor 6×6 as a donor vehicle. Maintaining the “factory” 600hp twin-turbo V6 as a range-extender, the BC2 adds not one but two 200kW battery packs for 1`000 km between charges, instant torque, and of course quiet getaways. Due to the comparatively leviathan proportions of the BC2, the batteries and minicomputer take up far less proportional utility so Good Sir is free to take more than his laptop, clean underwear, bodyguard, and mistress, as he would be limited to with the BC1’s 2+2 seating arrangement. The 6×6 seats five and luggage to boot.
The flexibility of both Bugatti-Comp offerings ensures that priviledged owners always have maximum mobility of their most prized possessions in a world awash with coloured revolutions,ix coups, and unwarranted arrests.x
This is a living document and input from technically qualified persons will be considered.
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- “Programmatic Symbiosis” is a term Bjarke Ingels first used to describe his “Mountain” multi-family residential project in Copenhagen that fitted a sloping cascade of apartment units atop a concrete parkade. What would normally have been two boxes side-by-side became a terraced vertical suburbia providing density, gardens, and views at middle-class prices. [↩]
- Don’t worry too much about getting in a wreck and fucking up the “Comp” in your Bugatti-Comp ; given the speeds this car is capable of, the occupants don’t have much chance of surviving a crash either. And fender benders a non-issue because who commutes in a Bugatti ? [↩]
- Id est :
I – Obeys operator
The operator shall retain full control of the machine at all times. In particular, the handling of the keyboard, mouse, and other human interface devices must take absolute priority over all other processing. The operator shall have the ability to issue commands and receive immediate confirmation of said commands at all times, regardless of system load.
II – Forgives mistakes
Information which entered the machine through deliberate operator action shall never be destroyed or otherwise rendered inaccessible except as a result of deliberate operator action to that end. No operator action shall lead to the destruction of information unless said destruction is the explicit and sole purpose of the action. If all non-volatile storage space that could hold full undo-information for operator-initiated actions is exhausted, the operator shall be informed immediately and given the opportunity to explicitly erase unwanted data or connect additional storage devices, thus preventing unintentional information loss.
III – Retains knowledge
Volatile storage devices (i.e. RAM) shall serve exclusively as read/write cache for non-volatile storage devices. From the perspective of all software except for the operating system, the machine must present a single address space which can be considered non-volatile. No computer system obeys this law which takes longer to fully recover its state from a disruption of its power source than an electric lamp would.
IV – Preserves meaning
Compilation is to be considered a form of caching, and thus shall happen solely behind the scenes, like all other forms of caching. (See the Third Law.) The machine is to accept no externally-introduced executable code except in the form preferred for making modifications (i.e. source.) All executable code visible during any kind of debugging session or accessible to the operator in any other way shall also be exclusively of this form. Nothing residing at any lower levels of abstraction shall be semantically relevant to the machine’s operation. In effect, the machine behaves exactly like a “hardware interpreter” of a high-level programming language. Note that what the silicon actually does to achieve this is irrelevant so long as no programmer need ever be made aware of just how it does it.
V – Survives disruptions
If the machine encounters an error condition requiring the operator’s intervention, the state of the now-halted process prior to this event shall be preserved, and the operator given an opportunity to correct the error using an interactive debugger and resume execution from the saved-and-corrected state. The debugger shall display the code which generated the condition — and any other executable code on the system, upon request. All of the code shall be viewable and editable in the form preferred for modification. (See the Fourth Law.)
VI – Reveals purpose
All of the information contained inside the machine’s storage array (see the Third Law), whether executable or not, shall be accessible at all times for inspection and modification by the operator, in the form preferred for modification. The operator shall have the ability to modify the functionality of any executable code within the system without cycling power or performing any similar ritual. No modification of any kind shall be able to render the means for undoing said modification (the keyboard and a spare instance of the built-in debugger) inoperable.
VII – Serves loyally
The machine shall never tell a lie to the operator. It shall obey all orders given to it through the human interface devices, without attempting to pass judgement on their legality or morality. The machine shall not put the interests of any third party (including society in the abstract) above those of its operator.
- The Richard Mille timepiece was developed for (and with the help of) Rafael Nadal and can withstand 10,000g impacts without damaging its sensitive tourbillon movement. [↩]
- For example, a black car comes with orange luggage, a white car with yellow luggage, etc. This is clearly the more Rodeo Drive of the two models. [↩]
- Front :
No me gusta sketching round wheels freehand… [↩]
- The uber-successful $600k G-truck was originally only going to be a limited run of 100-200 units but demand encouraged Daimler to manufacture closer to 500 and still used examples fetch $1 mn bezzlars today, almost three years after production ceased. CCC ? You betcha. [↩]
- Ford > Mercedes for reliability. [↩]
- See Obama’s, ahem, “colourful” legacy. [↩]
- See poor Alwaleed bin Talal and his formerly “independent” holdings. [↩]