Welcome back to anova glue-huffin’ addition of da CarEnvy MegaFair™ Comparison Test!
In dis mega-masha’ smackdown, two 5-door wagons vie for street supremacy. It be kinda like da Bloods vs. da Crips, but wit’ way mo’ at stake. Da Countryman be Mini’s first 5-door and da most biggest vehicle in da company’s history. Dis has given lots o’ peeps lots to chatter about, but none of dem has looked at its bad ass G-ness. CarEnvy be changin’ dat by pitting it against da new tech-poppin’, rock-slingin’ Ford Focus. And we ain’t talking about da kind of rocks dat David slung at Goliath oh no, we be talkin’ about da kinds of rocks you smoke, baby. Cuz da Focus plays for keeps!
Now, deez two might be seemin‘ like a pair of mild-mannered hatchbacks marketed and designed for da young urban professionals who be wearin’ thick-rimmed glasses and practicin’ Anusara yogaz, but dat ain’t da whole truth. Sure, dey both be upmarket whips that be eager to differentiate demselves from da pack with a slammin’ combo of panache and practicality, but don’t let dat costume fool you da way it has so many others! Deez two only wear cardigans during da day to fool dey oblivious bosses, but by night, y’all better believe that dey be some of the baddest motherf*ckers dis side of East Hastings. So which one of these two G-Units has da walk to back up da talk?
As usual, we has devised 5 devastatingly difficult tests to find out. Respek!