Razerbacks, oh razerbacks!

lululemon free to be braIt’s been 30C all week in Edmonton and Summer is in full swing!i

For the first time in half-a-decade, I actually want to pick up a golf club (at least the putter), and at a charity fun run this past weekend, even though I signed up for the 5km walk because my knees haven’t been 100%,ii it was so assailingly stunning, so pulchritudinously picturesque, and so gobsmackingly gorgeous outside that when the starting shot sounded I picked up a light jog anyways, pain be damned. It’s just that beautiful here.

With the unexpectedly dramatic reveal of mid-July-like weather a full 10 weeks early, the typically short summer suddenly feels like it’ll never end – like October is 1`000 miles away and we’re walking there on foot.iii As I park Jay and Saddam semi-permanently in exchange for my Focus hybrid,iv I’m not the only one who’s making the most of Nature’s bountious beneficence either : so too is the fairer sex. Unleashing the full force of their hypnotic allure is the all-time sexiest style of tank top / stand-alone sports bra worn by the local lasses : the razerback.v And I can barely begin to express my attraction to the damn thing. Yet it’s one of my absolute favourite signs of the season, like snow on Christmas morning.

The source of my attraction to the razerback may well be that only Fit Honeys need apply,vi that no broke-ass mayo-gendered obeasts may sully its fine reputation, that they’re associated with devoted athleticism while blending in a pinch of flirtatious showiness, and at the same time subtly, even shamelessly, hinting at the kinds of lash marks a good whipping might leave. But whatever it is, it’s the surest and surely bestest sign of Summer. And it’s still only Spring!

Ah!

___ ___ ___

  1. Our friends in Fort Mac about 5 hours North of Edmonton are definitely feeling the heat atm! The whole oiltown is evacuated due to raging forest fires. []
  2. An on-again-off-again annoyance that coincided with fatherhood. Maybe it was all the cradling to sleep. []
  3. I’m gonna be! []
  4. Not to be confused with some kind of gas-electric Ford thing, the Focus “Planet” hybrid/crossover is a BICYCLE, one that comes complete with a mega-nifty 8-speed Shimano Alfine internal hub shifter with 307% range attached to a Gates Carbon Drive CDC Chainring, not to mention six spangly LED headlights integrated into the handlebar. It’s also matte black, which matches the Lexus on a level that has me searching my subconscious for explanations. Wasn’t there a thing about buying colourful clothes and cars when times are prosperous and buying greys and blacks when times are more muted ? []
  5. What I call the “razerback” is more commonly known as the “racerback” by the industry, though I see far more inspiration from blade-induced skin lacerations than I do from competitive racing, but maybe that’s just me. And ftr, razerbacks are the antithesis of the more porcine razorbacks. One describes minxes, the other pigs. They couldn’t be more opposite. []
  6. This is a given considering that razerback sports bras only fit A and B cups. Bigger girls, as well as those better endowed, are shit outta luck. []

5 thoughts on “Razerbacks, oh razerbacks!

  1. Mitchell says:

    Bahaha, this is hilarious. Canadians (or, for those against any form of nationalism – northerners) and their summers! :)

    I agree hundo P. BP on point.

  2. Mitchell says:

    Bahahahahah, still in the ‘hood.

  3. […] 2016 progress report : Decent little razerback for a 36DD eh ? ___ ___ […]

  4. […] Then again, when I’m looking for thrills on any given day, it’s hard to beat my little black bicycle. […]

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>