Flirting with the prettiest girl in school.

From Mircea’s Hierarchy of Needs comes the rarefied space at the tippity top of his five-level pyramid :

V. Mystical domination. This isn’t even a need, most everyone can live just fine without even touching it, however it does yield some bitter pathology. This is all about being right when you shouldn’t be, or there’s no reason to be. It’s what makes the compulsive gambler, incidentally : “being lucky” is not merely winning some money, but it’s satisfying #5 too, which is why people readily play -EV games : what they get when they win is slightly more than the cash. This is also what makes the religious believer, and if one absolutely has to satisfy this idiocy, religious belief is probably the cheapest approach.

This, mystical domination, is easily the prettiest girl in school. She’s the most unattainable, the most lust-worthy, the most drool-inducing, and the one that the fewest of her classmates at Internet High would even consider approaching, much less successfully twirl around their little finger. She’s the one whose name the male teachers can’t help but stutter over as they read it during roll call. She’s powerful, this one, and she’s also the girl I’m courting at the moment. Allow me to demonstrate :

Exhibit I : Twitter (TWTR)

A full fifth of Twitter’s value as a publicly traded company…*POOF*  Just like that. Even with the printing presses cranked up to 11, that won’t be easy to recover from. Oh, what’s that ? You think that individuals with power and influence don’t matter and that’s it’s only “the community” who can meaningfully direct the world ? Ha. And ha again.

Exhibit II : Toyota Venza

Add to this chart that, since the end of 2014, Toyota Venza sales volume is down another 22% and it’s clear to see that since I roasted this contemptible piece of shit on an open flame it’s lost 39% of its volume and is being discontinued. That’s it. It’s dead. Why ? Because it sucks and I said so.

Exhibit III : Allergenic pizza

Last night, despite my being gluten-intolerant for the last 5 years or so,ⁱ I ate half of a “gluten-free” spicy thai pizza that wasn’t actually gluten-free.ⁱⁱ And… I feel fine ! In fact, I feel better than fine, I feel fucking fantastic ! It’s crazy that not even allergens that I’m allergic to can touch this. That pretty girl is mine, I tell you.

So you see,ⁱⁱⁱ even though some candles burn more slowly than others, there’s still a right side and a wrong side to history.

Choose your shepherds wisely, dear friends. Some of us are flirting with Destiny.

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1. Yes, this was before it was “cool” to be gluten-free, and no, I don’t have celiac disease. Those people pass out or die from eating gluten, I just end up with pretty nasty indigestion for between 4 to 48 hours, depending on dosage. My reaction is comparable to that of a severe lactard. Also, yes, I’m familiar with the FODMAP theory, and no, I don’t have that thank god. ↩
2. Famoso Neapolitan Pizzeria, the nearest thing to authentic Italian pizza you’ll find in Edmonton, fucked up my order. I knew it tasted too good. “Holy fuck they cooked this thing to perfection. They’ve outdone themselves !” I said to myself as I ate a second and then a third slice, very much aware that they might’ve given me a regular pizza by accident but also very much interested in what the digestive result might be.↩
3. You sea ?↩