Fuckin’ diddle her twat.

First, a bit of context from the Canadian cult classic Fubari (2002):

Dean: If you don’t know a girl so good…
Farrel: Yeah.
Dean: And she fuckin’ doesn’t want to go down on you…
Farrel: Yeah.
Dean: And you’re fuckin’ tired and you wanna crash, or you just fuckin’ want to continue on with your night, fuckin’ diddle her twat… fuckin’ get her off. Just go down there and if you know what to do, it’ll take probably six, seven minutes. Well, you go under the panties for sure, and you just kind of pet it a bit.
Farrel: Pet what?
Dean: Pet… her fuckin’ kneecaps, Farrel! Pet her twat!!

See how Dean’s description of female arousal is so necessarily vague ?  See how he takes to attacking the genuinely naive Farrel because he has absolutely no fucking clue what he’s talking about and yet his superior social position forces him to pretend like he understands subjects that are clearly over his head, such as how to tie a tie, why Santa doesn’t come at Christmas anymore, what makes water wet, and, most importantly, the means and methods of twat diddlin’ ?

Dean’s behaviour is typical of those whom, despite their blissful ignorance on most matters of societal and worldly import, one way or another find their way into positions of (relative) power by sheer fate, simple circumstance, or plain lack of competition.ii However, since the ability to admit ignorance is grossly absent in the vast, vast majority of the human population extant, much less those with greater responsibility, and the fruits of (even pretend) power are so sweet, it’s all too tempting, and therefore all too normal, for people like Dean to pretend like they know how to steer a cruise ship along the Italian coastline.

This exact same type of behaviour is observable in states who seem to have nothing better to do with their citizens’ tax dollars than derp about the best strategies for managing the economy. The similarities are clear: neither pretender has ever closed the deal but they still have plenty of ideas about how deals should be closed based on what they read in GQ or Fortune magazine or something. In addition, should there be any delay in their demonstration of said knowledge, they have a raft of plausible-sounding explanations for why they haven’t closed the deal… yet. Things along the lines of “She’s a total slut and I’m not that kind of guy” and “Nobody could’ve foreseen turmoil in the Middle East,” etc.

None of this is surprising and it’s all perfectly natural behaviour for the infantile and the infantile-at-heart alike. This behaviour, in isolation, isn’t particularly harmful either. It keeps people occupied and generally out of too much trouble. Such behaviour is however quite toxic when applied at scale by (relatively) powerful actors, most notably state-level actors.

The reason for this is that regulations, subsidies and generally filling the airwaves with spam, these being the tools that states employ to “stimulate” the apple of their eye, broadens the impacts of poor decisions despite all intent to the contrary. Healthy markets, on the other hand, ones free of meddlesome diddlers, are quite adept at isolating those who repeatedly make large-scale errors. That is, if you go bust in a market system, you start back at square one, if you’re lucky enough not to end up in debtor’s prison until the end of your days. In a diddled system, however, you get another chance and another and another at everyone else’s expense, inevitably leading to the moral hazard problem and the associated societal decline.

When the state is involved in matters of import such as the economy, it can and will use its power of coercive taxation to favour uncompetitive players in potentially uncompetitive markets, despite the fact that both the player and the market may be irreparably past their heyday.iii While this is true regardless of the political system in place, it’s very much dependent on the monetary system being controlled by the state. That is, it’s essential for every citizen to have their balls, their childrens’ balls, and their childrens’ childrens’ balls, in the tiger’s mouth. In praxis this looks like citizens with all of their investments in “registered retirement plans,” real estate, government-backed banks, and the like so that the government can seize ever-increasing chunks of them as “temporary measures,” just like they did in 1917 with the personal income tax.iv

All of which ties into a conversation I had earlier today about one of the more successful économies de la débrouillardise left in the “We have a regulation for that” western world,v one just a layer or two beneath the surface in professional sports :

Agent: Imagine if instead of a draft – prospects were just free agents, free to sign for as much as a team is willing to offer
Smuggler: Ya, the draft is the union labour approach to prospecting, all wrapped up in “fairness” and whatnot.
Agent: Just like how most major sports leagues have antitrust exemptions – for fairness and such.
Smuggler: Well that’s just plain crafty. Goodness knows how they managed to finagle that. Do all major sports in the US have that exemption ?
Agent: Yup started in 1914 with the Clayton Antitrust Act – only boxing isn’t part of it.

Smuggler: Does Euro soccer have something like that ?
Agent: They have some crock of bullshit called the FIFA Fair Play regulations that is supposed to limit Man U, Chelsea etc. from outspending teams.
Smuggler: What’s so bullshit about this regulation ?
Agent: Well it’s not effective. The teams always find ways around it. Third party player ownership specifically. Pay off a middle man.

Smuggler: Lolk so even regulations in relatively closed systems are ineffective. So much for that idea eh. So the question becomes: why bother ?vi
Agent: FIFA thinks it looks bad when Saudis and Russians buy all the good players for their English/French club teams.
Smuggler: God forbid anyone admit that the Western half of the Holy Roman Empire is now the subject of the Eastern half.

Agent: Another great part of soccer is the human trafficking of African and South American teenagers into Europe.
Smuggler: What you call “human trafficking” the rest of the world calls “emigration from shitholes with the hope of making a buck.”vii
Agent: Oh there are surely bucks to be made – especially by the guys who sell the kids.

Smuggler: And what about the kids ? Should they be left to rot because “bad people” provide useful services ?
Agent: Obviously not. It’s just modern day slavery when these guys round up kids and own their rights for life – selling them off to the highest bidder.viii
Smuggler: But you see the slave still benefits, doesn’t he. This is actually quite common in master-slave relationships. Not a bad thing at all.

Agent: For the few that actually make $ – it benefits the kids. I would say about 0.001% of master-slave relationships have a benefit for the slave.ix
Smuggler: In voluntary relationships such as these, the only type I’m advocating for, the proportion of slaves that benefit is likely closer to 90%. This is analogous to giving credit to poor people, and in fact materially the same arrangement. The difference is that sport “handlers” are unregulated and therefore free from perverted incentives of states to fragilise economies.x So handlers can actually be picky and choosy and are therefore more likely to succeed, unlike banks, which end up being too big to fail. Even if the talented kid doesn’t make it big, he’s had an opportunity to leave the nest and that’s a priceless experience. The handler might as well be the second coming as far as the kid’s family is concerned. Sometimes you pick the right god, sometimes not.xi

Agent: Lack of regulation in this case often leads to exploitation – but I see what you are saying.
Smuggler: Lack of regulation limits the extent of the exploitation to a few people. Excessive regulation leads to lobbying, TBTF, inflation, etc. All of which impacts the *entire* society. Regulation merely ensures that everyone bears the cost of the mistakes of a few, instead of what markets do: allow isolation of idiots.

This pretense, this derpage, and these iatrogenic outcomes are also incidentally what underpins Gavincoin. The Chief Dress-Up Artist’s cheap tawk of “It’s better because reasons and even if it’s not that’s okay too. Oh, and barriers to entry aren’t nice and we should really think about Africa. Oh, and one more thing, if I can’t have nice things, you can’t have nice things either” is all too reminiscent of Dean telling Farrel how easy things should be.

This is what diddling looks like. This is what pretending looks like.

And as long as the pretenders stay isolated, as Dean and Gavin are, they can be really pretty amusing, don’t you agree ?

___ ___ ___

  1. An acronym for Fucked Up Beyond All Recognition. []
  2. I’m not saying that Dean has a lot of power here, just that he’s demonstrating the hallmarks of those who undeservedly do. []
  3. This is like a horse race organiser who gives his long-time friend, a one-eyed jockey with a three-legged steed, a head-start, maybe even having them start the race a scant few metres from the finish line while everyone else has to break out of the gates at the other end of the track. So his lame buddy wins and now it looks for all the world like “that’s what success looks like.” []
  4. To think, it’ll be just about 100 years from the time that Canada instituted the “War Tax Upon Income” until Bitcoin puts an end to income taxes altogether. []
  5. Let’s say you want to drive your 560 SEL from London to Paris to Rome this coming August. Well, you should probably skip Paris because, as of July 2015, cars built after 1997 will no longer be allowed in the city centre. No more ’55 Citroen DSes, no more ’58 Mercedes 300 SL roadsters, no more ’69 Mustangs, and basically nothing that isn’t a dishwasher on wheels. (Spanish-born!) Mayor Anne Hidalgo proves once again that when the state starts diddling, it won’t stop until it’s diddled every last nice thing clean off the face of the earth.

    Not that this approach altogether prevented the timely demise of the Soviet Union and neither will it prevent the timely demise of the socialist west today. But hey, it’s kinda fun to watch them come up with reasons for their vain attempts to stimulate domestic consumption and production. Hell, even a well-educated 8-year-old could figure out that “anti-pollution” justifications have nothing to do with anything. []

  6. Really, if you can’t obtain the results you (allegedly) intend in one little game, swallow your pride and let the market do it’s thing. Don’t be a gnat. []
  7. Note, I’m not saying that Europe isn’t also a shithole in its own way, just that Africa is nothing to write home about, though South America is perfectly charming. []
  8. Funny, this is exactly what you’d expect in a system without the organised labour-style “draft” system. So bad and yet so good! []
  9. This is an expected approximation from someone who grew up in the western world in the late 20th century and has had no direct interaction with slavery of any description nor has come across explicit requests to be a slave. Yes, such things exist. []
  10. For an example of the way in which state fragilise economies by perverting incentives, take your typical program designed to lower the credit requirements for new home purchasers. Every country has a scheme like this of one description or another. The intent is to, I dunno, house people who should be homeless or something, but the result is an increase in the risk borne by the lending institution.

    This can only lead to financial woes for said lending institutions because it’s a -EV strategy that they’re being forced to employ, so the institution may well find themselves needing government bailouts, which are then financed with either explicit or implicit taxation by the state, thus broadening the impact of a stupid fucking mistake wrapped up in six layers of feel-goodery. []

  11. In such a market-based system, the handlers who are less adept at selecting talent will lose out in the long-run while the keener ones will come out ahead. As it should be. []

8 thoughts on “Fuckin’ diddle her twat.

  1. […] confirm that “plum” and “prune” are synonyms. If anything, that the USG was diddling about down there only confirms that there’s more to this story than meets the […]

  2. […] million billion Untermensch” and mother earth beneath them, it’s problems are those of too much fuckin’ twat diddlin’. That an economy, and therefore a society, could be built any other way than with suckage at the […]

  3. […] Equally essential were the tools of the trade, such as shovels, picks, boots, and brandy. Note how the prices reflected scarcity and as such were higher when there was more competition and lower once the boom died down. Not on this list but also noted elsewhere was that at the peak of the boom a single egg could cost as much as a labourer’s daily salary. That’s just how supply and demand work when there’s not state to diddle the economy’s twat. […]

  4. […] twat diddling and dudes dreaming of bigger dongs are tales as old as time, songs as old as rhyme. These Japanese […]

  5. […] After finding that Safari couldn’t even properly render text on one of my machines, I went to find an older copy of Firefox from a website I’d used a few times before.i After finding that version 22.0 (pre-Snowden) wouldn’t work, I settled for something in between that and the latest version : 37.0. As if downloading what should’ve been a .dmg file but was in fact an .exe file wasn’t clue enough, it appears that the Firefox 29.0 for Mac at OldApps.com is, how shall we say, diddled. […]

  6. […] it, in fact. So far is the real world from the broken and baseless libertard conception of “I would say about 0.001% of master-slave relationships have a benefit for the slave” that it’s almost unbearable. Seriously, Asimov’s visions of the future with two […]

  7. […] and, perhaps most importantly of all, 3) useless fucking Soviet-style nation states impotently diddling the market’s twat.v Quite the opposite, in […]

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